Purpose Driven Forgiveness

By Josephine Lim

Every person God has placed in our lives for a reason. When we are disappointed with someone, there's a tendency for us to reject, refuse, disconnect and not bother to care anymore.

Few days ago, in our connect group we discussed about Forgiveness. Many of them said, it's even more hurtful when someone close to us hurt and offend us. Yes, they know that the Bible said we must forgive but what if they keep on hurting and offending us.

Well, first and foremost by choosing to forgive is in fact for our own benefit because harbouring bitterness would only lead to dissatisfaction, disunity, strife, depression engender sickness. It will also make us older than our years.

By not forgiving others not only we are depriving blessing from someone but we are also depriving ourselves of happiness, restoration and healing for our soul. Our soul, spirit, mind and body need to be nurtured with joy, peace and love. Without them, we would lead a miserable life.

We are created to love, to give, to share, to minister, to care, to bless and to forgive. The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed (Proverbs 11:25). In our daily lives, we are surrounded by human being thus there are high chances that people might offend us and/or vice-versa. To err is human. But on our part we have the control by not allowing these offences to get the better of us. No one can offend us unless we allow it to take root in our heart.

Also sometimes, if the things we want to see happen don't happen as the way we want it to be, do know that God has His purpose in it. Do realise that "we can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps" (Proverbs 16:9). To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue (Proverbs 16:1). All things (bad or good) work out for good to those who love Him and called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

Sometimes the things that others did and said of which we disagreed could also be God's direction although we can't fully understand their actions and decisions just yet. Do realise that our life is directed by the Lord and we've got to live by faith and trust that whatever happens, God still has an upper hand and His purpose and plan for our lives will surely prevail.

Let me share with you an excerpt of an email I sent to someone dear to my heart when her family members went against her good intention and wishes:

"Sometimes we have got to learn to let go. We can't always have people agreeing with us all the time even though we are right. Sometimes it's good to observe and being the receiver. Give others the opportunity to plan and contribute. Then they will take responsibility and grow because when they are empowered they will appreciate it much more.

If others decide not to heed our advise and do their own thing then all we can do is to pray and commit it to the Lord, then speak to the person again if you are led to do so. If they follow, good but if they don't, don't worry someday God will open their heart and cause them to realise. There's season for everything hence we have got to learn to be patient and be gracious to one another as the Lord has been so gracious to us countless times although we don't deserve His forgiveness each time.”

Think of the good that others have done to us. Their wrongs let us write it on the sand, while their good deeds let us engrave it on the stone. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things (Philippians 4:8). Don't allow our mind to keep rewinding and playing the faults of others, we should be filling our heart and mind with Philippians 4:8 leading to joy, peace and love resulting in health and productivity. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:4-5).

By choosing to disconnect and not to forgive will only destroy ourselves and deprive us from the joy of giving, forgiving, healing, restoration and happiness that God meant to give us.

Love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you that you may be the children of your Father in heaven (Matthew 5:44). From my experience, when I choose to obey God (although reluctantly in the beginning) by praying for the person who have offended me, I found it easier thereafter to forgive him/her. Because prayer of blessing does bring people closer and will smoothen the path of reconciliation.

Jesus died and forgave us when we were still sinners and how much more we should forgive others. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22).

Proverbs 3:27-28
27 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
when it is in your power to act.
28 Do not say to your neighbour,
“Come back tomorrow and I’ll give it to you”—
when you already have it with you.

When we forgive others (out of obedience to God), we are actually releasing blessing to that person so he/she could be a blessing to others too and in turn we will also be blessed.

Having said that, for those who keep offending and hurting others should humble themselves in love to seek for forgiveness. Let us also be aware of re-offenders who just want to take advantage or exploit us, then we should forgive wisely and not subjecting ourselves to further abuse and exploitation. Jesus said, “I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16). We need to be led by His Holy Spirit to live our lives responsibly with sense of accountability so we can be effective in service and impacting others.

Matthew 5:44-48
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

There has been too many unforgiveness in this world and sadly far too long for some. The greatest failure of humankind is not loving people enough. We can never over-love someone because we have the tendency to love people less than we should. Love with grace and with the wisdom of God. Forgive one another with a clear conscience of the purpose we are doing so for our own good (first and foremost) and the good of others.